Weird name, right? Feet are gross lol. But as I’m heading up to Cleveland (4 hrs away from me) to go have a check-up, I figured we’ll chat about it. It will probably be boring, honestly. lol

I was born with severe extreme flat feet. The story goes, when I came out, a nurse went, “What’s wrong with her feet” before my mom saw me. Is that true? No idea, just what I’ve been told.

My feet are flat, then they roll in. Like the inside bones of your foot—the big ones that kinda stick out—those were on the ground. They then turn out, like a duck or penguin (I got called that a LOT growing up). I have extra bones, missing bones, misshapen bones, and some that are just in the wrong place. I now have fake bone in there too, but more on that later. Needless to say, they’re a mess.

As the story also goes, my parents took me to Children’s Hospital when I was little. My dad, who was a big hippie, said the doctor goes, “I see children with a lot bigger problems than messed up feet. So consider yourself lucky.” And my dad, being the hippie, goes, “You are right.” He held on to that and they never did anything for them. Knowing what I do now, if something was done when I was younger, I may not have the issues I have.

I remember one grade—I think 5th—my feet got bad. They just hurt all the time.

Ok, rewind. I did tap, ballet, jazz, and lyrical dance. I cheered a few years (3rd & 4th). I played basketball from 4th–8th. But in 5th grade, I remember going to a doctor in Wapakoneta. Which was like a big deal because my parents didn’t go ANYWHERE.

We went there, and the doctor gave me these incredibly hard inserts for my shoes. Like, think a hard table, but you walk on it and it puts your feet in a position you aren’t used to. Dude, it was soooo bad. But it did get me out of taking gym for that full year.

I was supposed to wear them for like an hour a day at first and then increase. I remember “leaving” them at school. Dude, I refused to wear them. Remember, I was in 5th grade and they hurt! My parents were just like, ok whatever.

I was also supposed to have surgery. I don’t remember what it was. I just remember that summer I was supposed to have surgery on them. I remember going to a few appointments about it. And then—I remember it didn’t happen. I was told that Medicaid denied it. I have no idea if that was true. I just know it never happened.

I was never easy on my feet. I walked everywhere, roller-skated every Friday and Saturday for years. I did flag corps for 3 years. I was a typical 90s teen. I ran those feet into the ground.

Fast forward to 2002, I’m married, Jeremy is in the academy. Everything from my waist down is going numb. Not like I can’t walk, but it’s going numb and hurts. When you walk and you hit a curb or a stick and your ankle rolls to the side—you know that feeling? That was happening a lot on flat land.

We found a doctor who looked at them, we talked plan, and we did a pretty intense surgery. They wrapped tendons on the inside of my foot around those big bones to pull the bones up and give me a fake arch. They put artificial bone (sea coral) in the gaps on the outside of my foot, and then sliced my Achilles because she is tight! The procedure I had done is what they do in children. It puts your foot in the correct position so it grows right. We did it on me to “buy me time” until something better was available. We did the right in 2002 and the left in 2003.

I was in a cast for 3 months, walking boot for a few weeks, then I had to learn to walk again. I got pregnant 3 times, lol, and each pregnancy I gained at least 50 lbs. So those feet once again went through the ringer. When you’re pregnant, your body produces a hormone to help your hips widen and stretch to give birth. Well, that hormone isn’t just released in your hips; it goes everywhere. Sooooo, my feet—yeah, they were done! I was induced with Tyler because my feet, my almost 200 lbs body, was DONE!

Once again, I was not easy on those newly repaired feet. I ran around with the kids, I was go-go-go. I was also a massage therapist in a decently successful full-time practice. I was trying to be that “perfect mom/wife”—baking, cooking, craft projects, story time, parks, everything just constantly on the go.

Pain meds no longer work on me either. I was prescribed my first adult-strength pain med back in those 5th grade years. I never abused them, but I think my body just got used to them. I’ve had every single pain med on the planet. I even had oxy infused in a lotion (which is NOT common) and it did nothing. I’ve had countless cortisone shots too. They usually try not to give them more than every 5–7 months apart because it can eat cartilage. Put it this way—when I got them I’d get 4 at a time, they’d last maybe a week, and I could get them every month if I wanted. The doctor said, “Your cartilage was shot a long time ago, so whatever you want.”

In 2013, everything once again went to crap. I was using a chair in the shower. Finding a doctor was hard. Most were like, ummm I have no idea. I went through several doctors. I remember Jeremy saying, “We will go anywhere in the US, find the best foot doctor, and we will go.” I thought, dude, it ain’t that serious. But I looked for the best ortho in Ohio.

That’s why we’re here, heading to Cleveland right now for my appointment tomorrow.

I found the best (well, according to the Google machine lol) ortho in Ohio. When we went to him, we discussed two options: another surgery or fusion. Fusion means they truly melt the bones together into one big bone. There’s no coming back from that. Once it’s done, it’s done. So I wasn’t ready for that. Instead, we put titanium implants in my feet in 2013. The implants help keep things from rolling. We did both feet at the SAME TIME!

Sadly, the healing was not as fast as they thought. I was bedridden for a good month. Then, when walking (which I had to learn to do again) I had to use a walker. I got pretty depressed during that whole ordeal.

Fast forward to now. Things were so much better. I learned how to sit more than I walk. But working out, I feel like, has helped them a ton too. But the past 4–6 months (shhh I didn’t tell anyone about that), the right foot is hurting. It’s unstable and squishy. So I figured it was time to come back up here and get them checked out again.

But the fear is real. I know last time, my only option left was fusion. Maybe there’s something else now. Maybe it’s just arthritis. Maybe they’ll say nothing can be done and I’ll just go back to ignoring them (which I should get a gold medal in). I just hate them. I hate going up here, I hate focusing on them. Ignoring is easier.

So yeah, told you this one would be boring—but it’s real. Fear, frustration, and all. Thanks for letting me share it here. I’ll know more tomorrow, and whatever happens… I’ll figure it out. I always do.